I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
