i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
