I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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