I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
