Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
