I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the day after is always just damage control
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
