how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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