The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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