do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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