Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
