Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
