Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
