You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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