Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
