Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize