why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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