Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
