I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize