found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
