Kiss
Puke
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
