Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
