Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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