I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
