my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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