i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said her name was "party"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
