If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
