please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
