During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
