yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
