I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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