There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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