I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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