i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
