you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
