Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
