My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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