Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
