All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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