I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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