I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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