you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
