i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
