You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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