She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
