You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
