Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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