Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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