I need help removing her.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
