I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
