We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
