Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
