so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Randomize
