I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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