is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
