meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
