you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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