names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
