shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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