I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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