What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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