Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
