Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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