that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
