I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
