he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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