five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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