Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
